I sometimes hope that I don't have to know about several things. Previously, I had no idea how tense all the waiting game would be. I checked my school e-mail a little bit more than usual, but that was about it. When I read the website, what other people were doing really surprised me. Members continued to post that they could not stand the waiting time, that they planned to just keep calling the schools again and again, that it was a long process, and all other posts with similar tones. Talk about anticipation, tension, and expectation!
In the middle of being surprise and suddenly freaked out, I'm thinking of all the wait games I've been experiencing in my life: wait games in every test, job interview, visa interview, finding a soulmate, hoping for a baby, queue in the airport check, in Panda Express, the computer to run faster, a plane to land (after 30-some hours of flights and lay overs), surgery wait room (where my father was inside with the doctors), and so many others.
Waiting, at least for me, is never fun. The not-fun part of it is that, there is nothing I can do, because I have chosen to give the control over to someone (or Someone) else. But wait, really? Is there nothing I can do?
- when waiting for a test result, I pray.** And wait.
- when waiting for a result of job interviews, I pray. And wait.
- when in visa interview? I could no longer pray, but I forced my lips to pray :) and watch TV on that cold waiting room. look around. and wait.
- when finding a soulmate? I prayed. and prepared myself :) :), and paid attention. and waited.
- when hoping for a baby? I pray. and do what I (I should say we) can do :) :), and wait.
- when queuing at the airport check? I take off my shoes, preparing my documents, watching people with anticipation. Meanwhile, I pray, and wait.
queing at Panda Express? I admit I don't pray. I look at the food :)
- waiting for a plane to land? I pray, hold on to somebody beside me most of the time. sometimes sleep, eat, watch TV or movies, read, and wait.
- waiting at the surgery wait room? I could never forget. Myself and my prayers were one, indistinguishable. cried, walked here and there, and wait.
** in the widest sense of the word.
They all just reminded me that my level of expectation and prayers increased or decreased with the level of (or lack of) control (that I thought I had) when waiting. In the end I could see they were all the same waiting "games." Well, maybe they were not games at all, because they were not fun.
So I'm taking a deep breath, and again saying a prayer to all who are waiting right now. May you find something to do, and wait.
........
and yes, I believe in divine appointment.
what makes waiting is not fun because we are forced to let the "others" decide for us.
ReplyDeleteExactly bay. It's all about control, right. When waiting, we have no control whatsoever to our situation. Thanks a lot, I'll remember that during this waiting time :)
ReplyDeleteSeveral days ago I was invited to a friend's house for coffee and talk. We were an Indonesian, a Japanese, and a Filipina. Talking about us who are from third world countries, there was this thing we concluded: Receiving is not cool, because what you do is only waiting for the thing to come, you are passive and you don't decide.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there's one situation where we can only wait, it's when it comes to -what Mbak Pam calls - "divine appointment." I guess that's when we can do nothing other than waiting. :)
Sorry for late reply, Mum Carey.
ReplyDeleteReceiving can be cool, too, it made life even more interesting :)
Choices are here already, now is praying for the divine appointment...